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one hundreth and last post ^_^ i think ill ignore this blog from now on so ill make this one rela long so it cud last out the years
ive grown indifferent lol i feel so all the time and days but somehow i dont feeel anything anymore they say ive turned to shaun and idk biut it seems funny ..i dont care anymore my emotions are gone look down and read it i dont feel anything anymore which is not a problem to me and if anything its not my fault whats a dog to do huh?look how ive changed over tis year and i thank god i have recorded itive changed and due to my recordings i can say i did not become liek shaun ghany ilike him but im not like him atall
ive grown somewhat more mechanical and i can say partly because ive grown indifferent to everyone and i mena everyone a total hellogoodbye scene like every1 deserted me i felt as in every one of my friends but a select FEW andrew obrien is now my best friend, he shares the same feeling as me i think this feelign that i have lol not bad not good it just makes me feel to ramble ,but its good i guess but akward i just feel like driving around and fucking things up i told everyone about liam the emotion chain is sad->angry>numb>this this is good this is new this makes me feel to cry somewhat but this is nice still cuz i dont feel sad atall..this isnt going anywhere fast so ill stop writng about it and start over but leave the same thing above
ive grown impulsive liek a maniac but one that can think my emotions are all fucked up im not sad but i can burst into tears hurtfull shit is not very hurtfull and i am full on emotionless and angry i want to kil lsomething and i get these bad feelings in my chest the good is evil i think its liek a drug and i dont know whats causing it lol but il lthow a blind eye to that and if this feeligjn sends me to hell i still liek it makes me secure makes me safe without all that care i dont really anymore i honestly am in a phase of life where nothing bothers me i didt even get my usual dose of depression when i noticed i had 2 parents who didnt give a fuck about me hardly any real friends and a brain thats not functioning i saw the unfairness on the world and i said fuck it dont u understand i wish this is permanent if i cud be a happy hatefull dude liek shaun i wudnt be this happy im broke and im unworthy of nearly anything or anyone but i still feel good u see?i dont feel for anyone any more really well cept some people who dont really expect anything iv elost feelign s towards my mom and all ..im trying to become as cold as the world and the rest of you 2 i look up in the sky and my daydreams arnt dead but the yare severely different ..its me being even happier by not hating anything becuase today ive reslved i dont give a fuck enough about stuff to hate enough...i donteven know what im writing about just writing how i feel i guess i think im just writing this to put back uo my wall but idont mind i guess its inevitable how i shud stay away from every1 our worlds are 2 different anyway i still loe you all and im not angry i guess u can come make friends with me idk i dont know lol but maybe ill delete it but im just sick and tired of life its to fucked and unfair for me to love it as much as i used to i have no peace of mind and my care just left imma dog and people generally dont liek dogs so i guess its no loss a total of about 10 people have point blank abandoned me idk im not to sure about aything i sed i dont kno anymore im just confuused and happy this wayi guess i do care about some people ofcourse i do i still love simone i guess in a different way now idk weve grown distant ,ive lost all prior felling to some other people my new friends i care about them so i guess i have changed again this time for the best i think and if people stop liking me for it i guess i dont care cuz they dont like me a 2 girls i used to kow totally avoided me and one totally ignored me and i didnt really give a fuck i jsut feel to rebel to something lol idk why lol and my maggotness is rising so im going to stop listening to slipknot becuase i hugged myself today and i felt cold which was wrong but for once in life something has gone horribly right for me with all the injustice in the world ive grown immune maybe ive got enough malice in me for years and years that ive grown immune to the side effects after watchign the world so much ive hated so much that it exploded in me lol and caused this phase of life but i know itll go away and ill be a depressed bitch later ill read this and see my ignorance ill feelll stupid for offending some people but fuckit how could you all just leave me? how cud u just fuck with me like that? all at once not one at a time atleast? did u fckers plan this?!well im glad anyhow cuz i feel good now and i dont feel any thing so my life i s basically fixed for the littleist of ittlest while ican feel at peace while saying fuck the worlds and everything in it ever y vain short skirt wearing bitches all u stupid mother fucking "gangsters " who harass my friends have fun being fucked and hurt in this world lol cuz i have escaped that giing me unlimited leverage for the while fuck the world and fuck the system cuz i escaped it and im going to exploit itfuck u bigots only your emotions make you hate me fuck the angels for making such a hugh standard of how good people shud be fuck the catholic church for making me feel liek i was a heretic when i didnt want to listen to them fuck the sellouts for fucking messing iwht my mental a persomnal fuck you to myself i just think i deserve it cuz i got this inexhaustable feeling and i like it fuck anti slipknot groups they misguide people but they help alot more fuckhitler fuck all gangster rappersa for fuckign misguiding africans and now to me my fuck us mean something cuz they all suffering no matter what happen anything else but what im feeelin is suffering to me so while i have this state of non suffering fuck all you people who sold me out are seeling me out and are gonna sell me out fuck you suck my balls ..tonight is a perfect night for suicide ill die happy buit i have a new purpose in life and i dont give a fuck to type it
and i dont give a fuc kabout posting this im sad inside btut i dont fel it and i want to die nbut i dont care lol and im happy
friends who i just told to fuck off dont
because i wont be sad about losing certain people il lbe happy that i had such fun with them and ill end this on a good note
SOMETHING ABOTU THIS SO VERY WRONG WHY THE FUCK DO I LIKE THIS?! hahhahahhahahhahahhaha l;ol slipknot rulz
so does lupe infact ill make a next post on lupe